Back Again

Over the last few yrs, i.e. 3-4 yrs my life was in doldrums, uncertain & unstable in every which way u would want to look at it. the only thing good abt it was that i was employed & outwardly i was doing a reasonable good job at it. however internally my mental state was close to a typhoon. In my heart anger, grief, disappointment & helplessness used to rise & crash like gigantic waves constantly thru the day for all those yrs. Having lived thru this period, I now have grown more paranoid in almost everything i do. In some ways its good, i think in 100 different ways before i decide or do anything (perhaps its only the paranoid who survive?)

anyways but due to those experiences, it has left me scarred, hurt & angry. Due to the turmoil, i regressed mentally. frankly as i look back i was never in any shape whatsoever but still took gmat a few times. Surely now it seems so foolhardy. needless to mention but those efforts & score fell like an amateur's effort in building the house of cards & i regressed more into this abyss. funny thing life is...the more u try to get up & sort yrself out, the more it does to put u down.

however life as they say is stranger than fiction, due to certain turn of events things are beginning to look good (can u believe it?). anyways we in hindus hv a saying that God has given us pain, He will give us painkillers too (nah :), but ya God has been kind lately.)

i feel tht i'm ready to be hit again. its gmat time folks!

i want to prove to myself that i hv it in me to excel.

life feels gr8 & challenging again!

Wish me luck,grit,common sense & motivation.

i'll try to keep everyone posted on my travails to discover myself.

Cocking Up GMAT

After having cocking up gmat, it feels so stupid. I surely didnt expect one-of-those obscene percentiles that go around, but to score THIS low, is a major embarassment to say the least.

Sunny Days

Today got up late, and straight away hit my study desk to tackle Critical Reasoning problems, did a few, and then gave it up. I couldn't resist, not to look out and see the sun. Finally some sun in London ! It feels great to be alive...

The sun and heat remind me of Mumbai. I give up my critical reasoning, (my mind warns me, but heart tells me to be outside)... I head outside...I jog a bit, and generally spend a lot of time outdoors. I come back have some food and switch on the telly. I watch the Ladies FA Cup Final... (it was interestin) . Go out again and jog for a while.

After whiling away the whole day and not studying, I am back at my study desk my mind is flashin red bulbs, warning me of the dire consequences that await me.

If I dont take the GMAT and get a good score, I will have to be at the same work place, cutting code...I like the work, but I yearn for the space to execute my dreams. back to critical reasoning...